Trusting the universe is something I've had trouble doing. I think it's just part of being human... we want to know what lies ahead so we can prepare for it, but a lot of the time there is no way to know what life has in store for us. Things can change suddenly, and it can be difficult to accept, especially when it comes to an unexpected move, a breakup, an illness, or a general shakeup of what is familiar. And when something uncomfortable happens to us, it is all too easy to label it as 'bad', or to take it inside ourselves and feel wronged or slighted. But I'm learning that it's not always that way at all.

Last summer I was living in an apartment I didn't really feel attached to, as I had only moved there last winter and just a few months later I was being told by my landlord that he might be putting the house on the market. So many of the boxes I had never unpacked remained that way for months because I didn't know if I was going to be able to stay or have to move.

For almost two years I've been working with a Shaman who has helped me work through issues no therapist or other energy worker had ever been able to really delve into with any success. Most of the sessions have been incredibly powerful and healing has taken place on many levels. The entire experience has been an amazing journey of self-discovery for me, and in the process I have also found a spiritual path that feels right for me. Journeying, working with animal totems, all the elements of nature (stones, trees, feathers etc), and doing my best to stay in the moment have all become a part of my life on a regular basis, and I understand there is still so much more to learn. But this has been truly life altering so far. One thing I need to acknowledge is that I wanted this change, or this 'evolution', if you will. I didn't know I wanted so much change, or that so much change would come about in my life and my being when I had that very first session with the Shaman, but saying that it was a choice, now that I see the many blessings this path has brought to me, helps to make the changes feel easier to accept.

With that being said, it all happened very quickly. The summer had been a difficult one, not knowing if I was going to have to move or not, getting sick or injured in some way - one incident after another, having the friends I wanted to see most live so far away, and also being creatively blocked as an artist. One day I prayed and asked for what I needed. I won't go into too much detail, but my prayers were answered in a way I did not expect. Suddenly my garden had been ripped out and when I questioned my landlord about it, I was met with a great deal of anger and then a letter two days later saying that I had to leave. None of this had to do with me at all, I realized after sitting with it for a while. My landlord was obviously suffering and even used that word about himself while talking with me, so I figured it was a way to know what was going on because he said it himself. He was suffering. I just happened to be the one who he chose to be on the receiving end of the anger and frustration he was feeling. So I chose not to take it personally and prayed for him to receive whatever it was he needed. Then I sat down and cried, not wanting to move again so soon, and wondering how I would find a place within my budget that would accept my cats, and how I would even do the move with the poor health I am in a lot of the time.

That's when life picked up the pace even more. It all really changed when I made a conscious choice not to limit myself as to where I could live, which was a difficult decision because of the agoraphobia I am recovering from, which limits how far I usually go from home. I spoke to the universe and asked to please be brought to the place that was right for me, no matter where it was. By the end of the day I had the perfect apartment, and the perfect situation lined up... within just a few short weeks I would be sharing a place with a dear friend and artist who I had known for years. It was much farther than I thought I could go, but things felt right and fell into place so smoothly that I had no other choice but to see it as 'meant to be'. The move went well. Living in this new place has been wonderful. My friend and I get along great and this is everything I needed and more. The universe certainly provided for me. Just when I thought the ground was crumbling beneath my feet, the most glorious bridge appeared.

Looking back, I wish I had trusted more. It would have saved me a lot of grief and worry. The Shaman I work with says, 'When you trust, you don't ask why.' He is right. He also says, 'The universe always supports you.' I am beginning to really let that sink in. And it's not only in providing us with what we need, but by teaching us lessons, even the tough ones. If we are faced with a challenging situation, it is because we are being provided with a chance to learn something we need to know, something that will allow us to live life a lot easier if we learn the lesson. And what we call a challenge is really an opportunity. It's all how we look at what is given to us. Not that it's easy to see things this way, but if we choose not to take things personally and instead see the lessons, the blessings in things, even the most uncomfortable experiences, it adds a whole new dimension to life. I still have a ways to go with the trust thing, but it's getting easier.