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The Healing Power of Reciprocity
Reciprocity is an amazing, beautiful and profoundly healing experience.

I suppose most of us have some kind of idea about what this term means, along with an inner knowing that we'd really 'like some.'

As I have wandered through life I've noticed the great (and sad) extent to which reciprocity is desired, yet rarely found.

Over the years, I have helped host a number of retreats for HSPs ('Highly Sensitive Persons;' google 'Elaine Aron,' and you'll get the 411 on this concept) and one of the most common topics of informal discussion-- away from workshops-- centers on relationships. And the most common lament concerns a 'lack of reciprocity' in relationships.

I suppose there are many 'definitions' of reciprocity.

Many of these strike me as somewhat self-serving (and hence non-reciprocal) 'false prophets;' misdefinitions that trivialize something beautiful. Most often I hear people say 'Yeah, reciprocity. I do something for you, and you do something for me!'

Well... yes, and no.

If you do something for me with the attached EXPECTATION that I do something for you in return... we're actually engaged in a 'transaction.' And that's not authentic reciprocity. And it is as likely to lead to hurt feelings and frustration, as it is to lead to healing.

True reciprocity gives, with no strings attached. And yet-- miraculously-- is rewarded with something 'coming back,' for no other reason than a natural desire to give. It's not even to 'give BACK,' it is simply to 'give.' The reciprocal flow of energy is effortless. In many ways, this kind of reciprocity may be as close to Unconditional Love as we are capable of getting.

When we encounter true reciprocity, a healing process begins. At first--perhaps-- we wait for the 'tiny betrayals' we've been used to in the past: someone is 'giving to get,' or we expect them to 'go away' the instant we fail to do something they expect. When they don't come... we start to relax, and somehow we start to shed our old judgments and preconceptions about how people behave, because they are no longer needed.

Often we start by experiencing this kind of reciprocity as an exchange with ONE person, but the experience can be moving enough that we start treating other people differently; more kindly, more compassionately.

Alas, we can't go and 'order' reciprocity somewhere, nor can we 'demand' it or 'expect' it of people. We must simply wait for it to appear.
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