Today I walked through the snow covered woods and looked at the way my life spirals back around to the same themes, just on different levels.

I have always felt that my lifetime animal totem is black bear. I have been drawn to them since I can remember, and mother bear has protected, guided and walked with me throughout my life.

Recently I have become aware of another one of my spirit animals, the snow leopard. I think I have done a good job of finding balance in most areas of my life and especially in understanding the shadow within.

I know that snow leopard still has much to teach me about self-reliance though. The theme of abandonment (fear of) and the need for connection are central to my life, especially at this time. I am having such a hard time negotiating my way through this labyrinth of emotion. I have spent a lifetime creating walls around my inner self, connecting on superficial levels, but only really relying on myself. At the same time I long for, and need, connection. We are not an island. Where does need fit with independence? How do you need people without becoming too dependent? I know there is a place where that is possible, I have seen others attain it, but I can't seem to.

Over and over again I am attracted to a good friend, begin to make a strong connection, then pull back in fear and close up.

I am ready to find a new way to be with others, but so far its only darkness and sheer cliffs ahead of me. I feel lost.

below is a connection to a really interesting page about snow leopard animal totem in case you are interested in reading more about this awesome animal. It has helped me immensely.

http://wolfsmoon.tripod.com/snowleopard.html

I continue to slip and slide on the high snow covered peaks, my snow shoe feet not quite big enough to balance me, but I keep trying.

Storey